I'm Tired of Sorry
by Tengu Queen
Summary: Momijicentered One Shot. Momiji Follows his family to the park one day, only to end up saving Momo's life. Now, in the hospital, he and his Papa talk about the pain of the past, and hope of the future.


I'm Tired of Sorry

I shouldn't have been in the park that day.

I shouldn't have been following you, Papa.

But when I learned the night before that you had taken off a day to spend with Mama and Momo, I just couldn't stay at home.

So I followed you from the house, all the while pretending, hoping, that you all knew I was there, and would turn around any second now to wait for me to catch up.

Needless to say, you never did.

While you were walking to the park, you stopped occasionally to look into the windows of the shops you passed. At these moments I would duck into an alleyway or behind a vendor's stand, and peek out to watch you.

At the dress shop, you whispered something into Mama's ear, which caused her eyes to widen at you, before you gently dragged her inside, Momo trailing behind her.

Minutes later, you reemerged, and Mama was in a pretty blue sundress that had small silk ribbon tied around the waist. She looked young, and beautiful, and she was smiling.

I'm glad she smiles now. She's much prettier when she smiles.

The next shop you stopped at was a toy store, and I saw Momo tug shyly at your coat, before pointing at something in the window. You smiled softly, and all of you walked into the store, coming out again moments later, with Momo clasping a large fluffy yellow bunny to her chest.

My heart stopped for a minute, but I hastily forced the tears out of my eyes, and continued to follow you.

When you entered the park, you made a beeline for the ice-cream stand, and treat everyone to frosty vanilla scoops. After you were out of sight, I hurriedly went up to the stand, and bought my own ice cream, vanilla like yours. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and was very hungry. The lady at the stand looked at me when I ordered, and asked if I was with you and Mama, but I shook my head and said no. I'm glad she didn't notice the sadness I'm sure my eyes were emanating.

You spent a few hours just there in the park, watching Momo in the playground, and then eating a picnic you had bought at a grocery store close to the park grounds. My own stomach grumbled, clearly saying that Ice-cream wasn't enough for lunch, but I ignored it for now. The sunlight filtered through the trees, casting a warm glow on Mama and Momo, and you, Papa, so I couldn't leave right now. You were all too happy.

The tears are falling onto the dirt beneath me, before I even realize I'm crying.

I wish… I wish I could have been with you, Papa. Not just following you, but smiling, and laughing next to you, and Mama, and Momo.

Silently, I wiped away the teardrops, and continued to watch.

What seemed to be years later, you all stood up to leave, and I followed at a safe distance behind you.

Then, while you were crossing the street, it happened.

In the middle of the road, Momo accidentally dropped her rabbit, and bent down to pick it up.

You and Mama didn't notice, and went to the other side.

But I watched as the rabbit caught its ear on a pothole, and Momo tried to tug it loose.

It wasn't a busy street, filled with traffic, but at the exact moment the light turned green, a car burst around the corner, one block away.

Dimly, I heard laughter and music blaring out the open window, but I had no time to think. I dashed out of my hiding place behind a tree, and started running towards my little sister.

Everything seemed to happen I slow motion.

At the last second, I remembered not to embrace Momo, so instead I grabbed her arm, and threw her to the side of the road, hopefully into someone's arms.

I'm sorry if you get hurt when you land, Momo, but it won't be nearly as much pain as this.

Mama screamed.

I was sent flying through the air, before hitting the pavement.

It didn't hurt, Papa. Is this what Ha'ri calls shock?

I watch as blood -my blood, I dimly realize- spread out on the dark gray street.

Lucidly, I turned my head, and to see where Momo landed.

Mama was collapsed on the ground, staring in shock, with Momo lying in her lap. The little girl seemed quite stunned as well, staring blankly onto the street, at me.

But you, Papa, reacted almost immediately.

"Momiji!" you cried, running towards me.

You shouldn't have done that. You should stay back, or else they'll think you know me.

You kneel by my head, and I can see the shock in your eyes, followed quickly by glistening tears.

"I'm sorry…Papa," I managed to gasp out. "I shouldn't have…followed you."

I was starting to feel the pain. It was an aching, tingling sensation all over my right side, where the car hit.

"No, Momiji, it's okay, it's all right," you reassured, and then looked around. "Mama's calling the ambulance now, but you have to stay awake till then, all right?"

You sounded frantic.

"Why…Papa?" I whispered. "You wouldn't… have to worry… about Mama…then."

"No, no." The tears started falling. "You need to stay with Papa, Momiji. Promise that you'll stay with Papa."

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

Then everything went black.

I woke a few days later, with Ha'ri standing above me, checking the machines attached to my body.

"H-Ha'ri," I whispered, causing him to look at me.

My older cousin smiled, softly, and I seemed to see a small measure of relief flicker into his eyes.

"You're awake," he said, voice deep and soothing. "It's about time. You've been unconscious for over three days."

"How's… Momo?" it was harder to talk then I thought it would be.

"She's fine, a few scrapes from where she collided with the concrete, but she'll be all right," Ha'ri said, looking at his clipboard. "If it had been her hit by that car, I doubt she would have survived."

I smiled; she was all right then.

"You're father has been coming every day to see you," the dragon continued, and then, after a slight hesitation, "and so has your mother."  
I froze.

"She doesn't remember, of course, but she feels indebted to you, because you saved her daughter's life. She brought you those flowers, over there."

He tilted his chin towards the window, and I turned my head to see.

A beautiful crystal vase resided in the frame, with bright pink and yellow flowers resting in it.

"When she asked me what you're favorite colors were, she couldn't believe that a boy would like pink and yellow."

He chuckled, and then sobered again.

"She also asked me, who your parent's were, so she could apologize to them."

There was a silent pause.

"What did you tell her?" I asked.

He looked at me, and I could detect some regret in his voice as he told me, "I said that your father was out of town, and that your mother had left you at birth."

Silence.

"That's not far from the truth…" I whispered.

"I know, but I was surprised by the stricken look on her face."

Ha'ri walked over to one of the other machines, recording something on his clipboard.

"She asked me how a mother could do that to such a beautiful and kind child."

Pain gripped my chest, but it wasn't from the car.

More silent minutes passed.

"I'm sorry Momiji."

I looked at Ha'ri's violet eyes, blurred slightly through the tears.

"Don't be… I'm happy."

The tears began falling onto the whiteness of the pillow, as I turned my head away from the dragon.

I heard his soft footsteps as he came to stand by the bed, and felt the warmth of his hand as he lightly touched my head.

"You don't have to lie to me, Momiji."

I squeezed my eyes shut and heard my cousin sigh, before leaving the room.

Minutes later, the door opened again, and shut quietly.

"Momiji," a voice whispered, which I recognized immediately.

Turning my head slowly, I looked at you. You had a slightly gray pallor, and there were dark rings under your eyes.

Smiling in relief, you collapsed into the chair next to my bed.

"I'm happy you're awake Momiji," you told me, taking my hand in your own.

Turning away, I said, "You shouldn't be here. Mama will be wondering where you are."

The coldness in those words made even me flinch.

Your hand tightened on mine, slightly.

Minutes passed.

"I'm so sorry Momiji."

_I'm sorry, Momiji._

How many times had I heard those words before? Ten times? Twenty? Weariness rushed through my head.

"I'm tired Papa."

I felt your surprise, and turned to look at you, letting my happy and accepting façade fall away. Letting you see the pain that had plagued me since Ha'ri wiped Mama's memories.

"I'm tired of sorry. I'm tired of hoping that one day she'll remember I'm her son, and not just another Sohma child. I'm tired of praying that someday I'll be able to help Momo learn to play the violin, like an older brother. I'm tired of wishing that some day I can play my violin for all of you, and then we can all live happily ever after."

Tears were falling again, as you stared at me in sadness.

"I'm so tired, Papa. Can you fix that?"

Silence stretched for what seemed to be minutes. Obviously, you couldn't answer my question.

Then you stood up, head bowed slightly.

"I have to go now Momiji, Mama and Momo will want me home for dinner soon."

I nodded, isolation slowly setting into my bones.

But before you left, you looked back, and smiled slightly. "But I'll be back tomorrow… with Momo and Mama too."

My eyes widened as I stared at you.

"A couple days ago, I came here, and there was a girl waiting by your bed," you explained, looking out the window again, "I believe her name was Tohru Honda. She looked up when I entered, and was very polite. She asked if I was your father, and I said yes. We started talking, and after a few minutes, she told me something.

"'Momiji-kun is very kind,' she said. 'He's always willing to accept pain, if it mean's someone else doesn't get hurt.'… Then she smiled at me, and I felt that she knew about our situation. That she was trying to tell me that you were in a great amount of pain, so that we could be happy."

You stopped for a few minutes. "In truth, I always knew. You were always so… quiet, and somber… I was… afraid. That if I let Mama see you, she would remember, and she would go back to the way she was. But maybe, if she began knowing you now, and saw who you truly are… maybe some day, she will remember… and maybe, she won't cry, and scream, like she used to. Maybe, if she knew you, not as her son, not as The Rabbit, first, she could accept you as both later."

I stared, shocked at the words you were speaking.

"But, then again, she could remember too soon, or she could forget who you are in face of what you are… It's a risk, Momiji."

You looked me in the eyes.

"But I'll take that risk, if you want to."

I was frozen.

Then I smiled, tears rising again, and said in a broken voice, "Okay."

You smiled, and nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow, son."

"See you tomorrow, Papa."

Tomorrow, when you can stop saying 'I'm sorry', and I can start saying, without lying, 'I'm Happy.'

A/N: Please review my first Fruit's Basket fanfic!


End file.
